“Can I talk to you,” I asked, a bit sheepishly (I’ve always been a bit shy).
“Sure,” was the response.
I was considering a call to vocational ministry, and a few mentors had advised that I should ask to hear call stories of others that I knew who were in ministry or going into ministry to help me discern my own call. This was the intent behind my question.
“I know that you have recently decided to go into ministry and that you’ll be starting school soon. I’m wondering if I’m called to ministry, too, so I was hoping to hear your call to ministry to help me understand my own.”
“You can’t be a minister. You’re divorced. The Bible is clear that a minister should have but one wife. You couldn’t manage that relationship; how can you manage a church?”
A bit perturbed but trying to stay positive, I responded, “Okay, but I’d still like to hear your call.”
The glare along with immediately seeing his back moving further away from me as he walked off told me that was not something I’d be hearing.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
A friend of mine was a minister of another denomination. He had been married, but his wife decided that marriage to a minister was not something to be envied or lived. So, without seeking any counseling as a couple, she left.
That particular denomination would allow a minister to remain in ministry following divorce, but only so long as that one remained unmarried. So, when he found the love of his life, he was forced to make a decision: drop her, forget ministry, or change denominations.
I’m pleased to say he has joined the rest of us “heathens” in the United Methodist Church!
++++++++++++++++++++++++
As I think about “the Church’s” approach to divorce, the first thing that frustrates me is this. According to Jesus the only unforgivable sin is blaspheming the Holy Spirit (see Mark 3:28-29), and yet, “the Church” has taken it upon itself to essentially insist that divorce is not forgivable. The Apostle Paul can persecute the church (maybe even kill Christians), and that can be forgiven. He can do ministry now, but not someone who has been divorced.
The typical reason given by “the Church” for this is found in 1 Timothy 3:
2 Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. 4 He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. 5 (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?) (NIV, Italics Added)
That’s all well and good, but think about. Not even God has been able to manage us human beings. Despite all of God’s wooing, we keep turning away. Consider Isaiah 50:1:
This is what the LORD says: “Where is your mother’s certificate of divorce with which I sent her away? Or to which of my creditors did I sell you? Because of your sins you were sold; because of your transgressions your mother was sent away. (NIV)
Even the LORD has gotten so upset with God’s people that God divorced them! If even God cannot “manage us,” why is it that “the Church” thinks we can “manage” our spouses who are the same wayward people that not even God can manage!
Of course, the next response from “the Church” is a quote from Matthew 5:
31 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery. (NIV)
“Unless the spouse has committed adultery with another person, there are no grounds for divorce,” “the Church” says.
There is something important to consider in thinking about this passage (along with other similar passages), though. God, in speaking through the Hebrew prophets, often says that the Israelites’ lack of commitment is “adultery.” Just read the book of Hosea, and we read that God sees that the Hebrews, in breaking their covenant with God, have become adulterers or prostitutes. We see this even in Hosea 1:2:
When the LORD began to speak through Hosea, the LORD said to him, “Go, take to yourself an adulterous wife and children of unfaithfulness, because the land is guilty of the vilest adultery in departing from the LORD.” (NIV)
In the full biblical context, then, adultery / prostitution is not simply having sex with another person. It is also departing from one who loves you. For sure, God is willing to take them (us) back, but God does not force us (manage us?) to come back. God is not any less God because people turn from God, and ministers are no less ministers because someone has turned from them.
Can we, please, get back to the message of Jesus and accept all who are called to ministry and willingly serve together to bring God’s kingdom on earth as it is in heaven!
Troy, A very insightful conversation about a touchy subject.
Amen! A “bad” marriage can be every bit as much of a “sin” as a divorce. This attitude about divorce keeping a person out of ministry is something from the true “dark ages.” So, a spouse could be unfaithful to his or her spouse, but simply not be caught, stay married, and be “eligible” for ministry? No one knows what occurs in a marriage except the married folks and God…. if they let God in … it is not our business to JUDGE. Let’s not forget that little bit of scriptural wisdom: “JUDGE NOT!”